Cusswapbad is a god.

He takes the form of a chunky, ruthless narwhal.

Cusswapbad created energy eighteen thousand years ago.

If you believe in Cusswapbad, he will look favourably on your prayers.

If you do not believe in Cusswapbad, he will say rude things about you at parties.

Cusswapbad's most sacred site is Ronda in Spain.

Cusswapbad's Holy Commandments

1. Do not eat aubergines.

2. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

3. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.

4. Always look after injured tapirs.

5. Do not speak about wheat.