Kinlarpvig is a god.

He takes the form of a nine hundred metre long, merciless crocodile.

Kinlarpvig created the Large Magellanic Cloud two billion years ago.

If you believe in Kinlarpvig, he will celebrate by creating some planets.

If you do not believe in Kinlarpvig, he will attempt to scare you with thunder.

Kinlarpvig's most sacred site is Burras in England.

Kinlarpvig's Holy Commandments

1. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.

2. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.

3. Always pray in complete darkness.

4. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.

5. Do not drink alcohol.