Govquafkan is a god.

She takes the form of an exceedingly large, dishonest elephant.

Govquafkan created the Sun four billion years ago.

If you believe in Govquafkan, she will be shocked.

If you do not believe in Govquafkan, she will jump up and down fuming with anger.

Govquafkan's most sacred site is Laurila in Finland.

Govquafkan's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about gravity.

2. Do not make images of living things.

3. Never write about the inheritance of acquired characteristics.

4. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

5. You must never eat oranges.