Xuchivkam is a god.

She takes the form of a very heavy, wise fairy.

Xuchivkam created tapeworms two billion years ago.

If you believe in Xuchivkam, she will not care.

If you do not believe in Xuchivkam, she will refuse to believe in you.

Xuchivkam's most sacred site is Iona in Scotland.

Xuchivkam's Holy Commandments

1. Do not shave your face.

2. Never talk about evolution by means of natural selection.

3. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

4. Do not wear copper on your body.

5. Never talk about the weak nuclear force.