Vonktofstaf is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely small, smart bear.

Vonktofstaf created humanity seven trillion years ago.

If you believe in Vonktofstaf, she will grant you three wishes.

If you do not believe in Vonktofstaf, she will turn you into a snail.

Vonktofstaf's most sacred site is Kardous in Egypt.

Vonktofstaf's Holy Commandments

1. Always make sure there are no badgers in a building before entering it.

2. Do not listen to music.

3. Never write about nebulae.

4. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

5. Do not take Vonktofstaf's name in vain.