Lopbumxuck is a god.

He takes the form of a heavy, unselfish whale.

Lopbumxuck created Asia six million years ago.

If you believe in Lopbumxuck, he will remain indifferent to you.

If you do not believe in Lopbumxuck, he will torture you forever.

Lopbumxuck's most sacred site is Askos in Greece.

Lopbumxuck's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink from vessels made of platinum.

2. Never write about amino acids.

3. Always help sick foxes.

4. Fast once a month.

5. You must love Lopbumxuck.