Stafpakgatbit is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely thin, selfish alligator.

Stafpakgatbit created humanity eighteen thousand years ago.

If you believe in Stafpakgatbit, he will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Stafpakgatbit, he will hide angry, poisonous snakes in your dwelling place.

Stafpakgatbit's most sacred site is Hetta in Finland.

Stafpakgatbit's Holy Commandments

1. Always make sure there are no snakes in a room before entering it.

2. Your children must be taught to worship Stafpakgatbit.

3. Fast once a month.

4. Tell all that you meet of the great power of Stafpakgatbit.

5. Retreat if six snails approach from the east.