Ortjabbid is a god.

He takes the form of a large, blissful dove.

Ortjabbid created the Whirlpool Galaxy six billion years ago.

If you believe in Ortjabbid, he will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Ortjabbid, he will turn you into a blue tit.

Ortjabbid's most sacred site is Randers in Denmark.

Ortjabbid's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about eagles.

2. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

3. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

4. Worship no other gods but Ortjabbid.

5. Ortjabbid loves foxes, so they must be honoured.