Lanstansis is a god.

He takes the form of a very large, irritating snake.

Lanstansis created the universe nine quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Lanstansis, he will celebrate by creating some planets.

If you do not believe in Lanstansis, he will turn you into an amoeba.

Lanstansis' most sacred site is Acanceh in Mexico.

Lanstansis' Holy Commandments

1. Do not cook food in pots.

2. Never feed parsnips to nematodes while wearing red shoes.

3. You must love Lanstansis.

4. Do not listen to music.

5. Do not chop down trees.