Vagwitquag is a god.

She takes the form of a slim, prudent elephant.

Vagwitquag created water six thousand years ago.

If you believe in Vagwitquag, she will grant your every wish.

If you do not believe in Vagwitquag, she will send two she bears to sort you out.

Vagwitquag's most sacred site is Kirumampakkam in India.

Vagwitquag's Holy Commandments

1. Vagwitquag must be the most important thing in your life.

2. Do not speak about melons.

3. Always take life seriously.

4. Erect three gold sculptures of Vagwitquag on top of important buildings.

5. Always make a point of helping unfortunate tortoises.