Kimnatnell Nakyimquam is a god.

It takes the form of a gargantuan, idiotic tapir.

Kimnatnell Nakyimquam created a charm quark six quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Kimnatnell Nakyimquam, it will be happy.

If you do not believe in Kimnatnell Nakyimquam, it will send you a sign.

Kimnatnell Nakyimquam's most sacred site is Gadna in Hungary.

Kimnatnell Nakyimquam's Holy Commandments

1. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.

2. Kimnatnell Nakyimquam loves badgers, so they must be honoured.

3. Never sing near gulls.

4. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

5. Never wear brown shoes.