Vinbembeg is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely thin, caring giraffe.

Vinbembeg created Europe seven billion years ago.

If you believe in Vinbembeg, he will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Vinbembeg, he will cry a lot.

Vinbembeg's most sacred site is Bokaa in Botswana.

Vinbembeg's Holy Commandments

1. Never pour water over plants.

2. Never talk about fire.

3. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

4. Hide from gray gulls for they are unholy.

5. Never hurt dogs.