Cetyarlvag is a god.

It takes the form of a very long, boastful fish.

Cetyarlvag created a down quark nine million years ago.

If you believe in Cetyarlvag, it will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Cetyarlvag, it will not invite you to parties.

Cetyarlvag's most sacred site is Phepheng in Botswana.

Cetyarlvag's Holy Commandments

1. Never paint your hands yellow.

2. Do not listen to music.

3. Never wear skirts.

4. Never write about amino acids.

5. Do not chop down trees.