Sismumflis is a god.

She takes the form of a gargantuan, deceitful manatee.

Sismumflis created the Large Magellanic Cloud seven million years ago.

If you believe in Sismumflis, she will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Sismumflis, she will torture you forever.

Sismumflis' most sacred site is Brancion in France.

Sismumflis' Holy Commandments

1. Do not wear nickel on your body.

2. Never eat bark.

3. Do not make images of living things.

4. Hide from purple otters for they are unholy.

5. Always take life seriously.