Tettinegstip is a god.

It takes the form of a nine thousand metre long, stupid tortoise.

Tettinegstip created the Large Magellanic Cloud three trillion years ago.

If you believe in Tettinegstip, it will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Tettinegstip, it will hide angry, poisonous snakes in your dwelling place.

Tettinegstip's most sacred site is Polydrosos in Greece.

Tettinegstip's Holy Commandments

1. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

2. Never talk about fire.

3. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.

4. Never feed tomatoes to geese while wearing fawn scarves.

5. Respect your elders.