Gonlakdab is a god.

He takes the form of a large, pitiless squid.

Gonlakdab created tapeworms twelve years ago.

If you believe in Gonlakdab, he will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Gonlakdab, he will turn you into a sheep.

Gonlakdab's most sacred site is Crugybar in Wales.

Gonlakdab's Holy Commandments

1. Never sing near snails.

2. Do not cook food in pots.

3. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

4. Never think about the weak nuclear force.

5. Do not listen to heathen tongues.