Homkanwik is a god.

He takes the form of an exceedingly large, merciful gorilla.

Homkanwik created the planet Mars six million years ago.

If you believe in Homkanwik, he will grant you five wishes.

If you do not believe in Homkanwik, he will destroy your favourite solar system.

Homkanwik's most sacred site is Mmankgodi in Botswana.

Homkanwik's Holy Commandments

1. You must pray to Homkanwik six times a day.

2. Homkanwik loves snails, so they must be respected.

3. Do not cook food in pots.

4. Never hurt mice.

5. Retreat if eight shrews approach from the south.