Vonkflabced is a god.

She takes the form of an exceedingly large, thoughtless grasshopper.

Vonkflabced created carbon seven trillion years ago.

If you believe in Vonkflabced, she will give you great power.

If you do not believe in Vonkflabced, she will be very unhappy.

Vonkflabced's most sacred site is Zlatolist in Bulgaria.

Vonkflabced's Holy Commandments

1. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

2. Your children must be taught to worship Vonkflabced.

3. You must love Vonkflabced.

4. Always make sure there are no foxes in a building before entering it.

5. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.