Labpitflab is a god.

He takes the form of a small, unfair donkey.

Labpitflab created light two million years ago.

If you believe in Labpitflab, he will not care.

If you do not believe in Labpitflab, he will turn you into a sparrow.

Labpitflab's most sacred site is Oitti in Finland.

Labpitflab's Holy Commandments

1. Do not cook food in pots.

2. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

3. Never look in ponds.

4. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.

5. Always treat aardvarks with great respect.