Lamwipgepnut Betwithot is a god.

He takes the form of a huge, bad-tempered narwhal.

Lamwipgepnut Betwithot created dark energy twelve years ago.

If you believe in Lamwipgepnut Betwithot, he will give you great power.

If you do not believe in Lamwipgepnut Betwithot, he will try to impress you with trees.

Lamwipgepnut Betwithot's most sacred site is Bogogobo in Botswana.

Lamwipgepnut Betwithot's Holy Commandments

1. Never hurt gulls.

2. Never paint your feet white.

3. Do not take Lamwipgepnut Betwithot's name in vain.

4. Never write about horizontal gene transfer.

5. Do not eat gooseberries.