Kadwittonk is a god.

He takes the form of a nine hundred metre long, happy parrot.

Kadwittonk created a Higgs boson six thousand years ago.

If you believe in Kadwittonk, he will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Kadwittonk, he will send you a sign.

Kadwittonk's most sacred site is Romlund in Denmark.

Kadwittonk's Holy Commandments

1. Never pour water over plants.

2. Do not kill ducks.

3. Retreat if three monkeys approach from the west.

4. Pray towards the east.

5. Do not drink alcohol.