Piglanmab is a god.

It takes the form of a very large, staggering slug.

Piglanmab created an up quark two million years ago.

If you believe in Piglanmab, it will visit you to thank you.

If you do not believe in Piglanmab, it will send you a sign.

Piglanmab's most sacred site is Goldcliff in Wales.

Piglanmab's Holy Commandments

1. Walk at least nine thousand metres per day.

2. Always help otters in need.

3. You must pray to Piglanmab eight times a day.

4. Hide from indigo dogs for they are unholy.

5. Hide if three grasshopers approach from the north.