Metflanmab is a god.

It takes the form of a microscopic, idiotic crane.

Metflanmab created the planet Jupiter eight billion years ago.

If you believe in Metflanmab, it will be happy.

If you do not believe in Metflanmab, it will name a particularly small and pointless dust cloud after you.

Metflanmab's most sacred site is Romlund in Denmark.

Metflanmab's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about fire.

2. Put Metflanmab first in all things.

3. Hide if six snails approach from the east.

4. Always obey Metflanmab's priests.

5. Never go into orange rooms.