Parkcunvag is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely large, resourceful squid.

Parkcunvag created energy nine million years ago.

If you believe in Parkcunvag, he will visit you to thank you.

If you do not believe in Parkcunvag, he will think nothing of it.

Parkcunvag's most sacred site is Tatul in Bulgaria.

Parkcunvag's Holy Commandments

1. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

2. Do not wear carbon on your body.

3. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

4. Always pray in complete darkness.

5. Always pray immersed in water.