Timwatzess is a god.

She takes the form of a huge, competent walrus.

Timwatzess created the planet Earth four billion years ago.

If you believe in Timwatzess, she will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Timwatzess, she will cry a lot.

Timwatzess' most sacred site is Pisterzo in Italy.

Timwatzess' Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink from vessels made of aluminium.

2. Do not wear indigo clothing.

3. Always help whales in need.

4. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

5. Never think about gravity.