Arpwitkar is a god.

It takes the form of a slender, humorless hippopotamus.

Arpwitkar created the cosmos eight quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Arpwitkar, it will not care.

If you do not believe in Arpwitkar, it will throw large rocks at you.

Arpwitkar's most sacred site is Thimmanaickenpalayam in India.

Arpwitkar's Holy Commandments

1. Never write about planets.

2. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Arpwitkar.

3. Do not trade with those who eat turnips.

4. Always help grasshopers.

5. You must never eat corn.