Bitsawbet is a god.

He takes the form of a five thousand metre long, contented cyclops-rhinoceros-snail.

Bitsawbet created dark matter two billion years ago.

If you believe in Bitsawbet, he will not care.

If you do not believe in Bitsawbet, he will attempt to scare you with hail.

Bitsawbet's most sacred site is Acanceh in Mexico.

Bitsawbet's Holy Commandments

1. Worship no other gods but Bitsawbet.

2. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

3. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.

4. Your children must be taught to worship Bitsawbet.

5. Never jump in holy places.