Somgub Vidxucwik is a god.

It takes the form of a chunky, strong weasel.

Somgub Vidxucwik created energy nine billion years ago.

If you believe in Somgub Vidxucwik, it will visit you to thank you.

If you do not believe in Somgub Vidxucwik, it will torture you forever.

Somgub Vidxucwik's most sacred site is Poloka in Botswana.

Somgub Vidxucwik's Holy Commandments

1. Do not kill voles.

2. Always stare at clouds.

3. Do not dye your hair cyan.

4. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.

5. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.