Artbidfid is a god.

She takes the form of a fat, slow swallow.

Artbidfid created tapeworms three thousand years ago.

If you believe in Artbidfid, she will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Artbidfid, she will turn you into a slug.

Artbidfid's most sacred site is Wukan in China.

Artbidfid's Holy Commandments

1. Never eat aubergines.

2. Hide from red otters for they are unholy.

3. Do not wear orange clothing.

4. Always make a point of helping unfortunate ducks.

5. Do not make images of living things.