Zimsinwig is a god.

It takes the form of a gargantuan, effective gerbil.

Zimsinwig created Europe three billion years ago.

If you believe in Zimsinwig, it will be happy.

If you do not believe in Zimsinwig, it will turn you into a tree.

Zimsinwig's most sacred site is Landsort in Sweden.

Zimsinwig's Holy Commandments

1. Walk at least seven thousand metres per day.

2. Your children must be taught to worship Zimsinwig.

3. Never go into turquoise rooms.

4. Do not cook food in pots.

5. Always make sure there are no goats in a room before entering it.