Nuttflanbom is a god.

She takes the form of an enormous, omnipotent tapir.

Nuttflanbom created Mount Everest four billion years ago.

If you believe in Nuttflanbom, she will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Nuttflanbom, she will name a particularly small and pointless asteroid after you.

Nuttflanbom's most sacred site is Ringford in Scotland.

Nuttflanbom's Holy Commandments

1. Do not dye your hair indigo.

2. Nuttflanbom loves monkeys, so they must be honoured.

3. Run away from purple hamsters, for they are unholy.

4. Never talk about cell theory.

5. Never pour water over plants.