Kemtipfar is a god.

It takes the form of an extremely fat, astonishing shrew.

Kemtipfar created bats two thousand years ago.

If you believe in Kemtipfar, it will give you great power.

If you do not believe in Kemtipfar, it will curse you and those you beget for twenty six billion years.

Kemtipfar's most sacred site is Syndendro in Greece.

Kemtipfar's Holy Commandments

1. Always make a point of helping unfortunate great tits.

2. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.

3. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

4. Kemtipfar loves tortoises, so they must be honoured.

5. Always pray in complete darkness.