Pagarfnatbag is a god.

He takes the form of a six thousand metre long, moody snail.

Pagarfnatbag created the world eight billion years ago.

If you believe in Pagarfnatbag, he will be very happy.

If you do not believe in Pagarfnatbag, he will turn you into a mouse.

Pagarfnatbag's most sacred site is Troqueer in Scotland.

Pagarfnatbag's Holy Commandments

1. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

2. Never think ill of sick pigs.

3. Always look after injured rats.

4. Pagarfnatbag loves squirrels, so they must be respected.

5. Never feed peas to sheep while wearing violet skirts.