Rularmbeg is a god.

It takes the form of a minute, irritating tortoise.

Rularmbeg created the Andromeda Galaxy five trillion years ago.

If you believe in Rularmbeg, it will visit you to thank you.

If you do not believe in Rularmbeg, it will send five hundred and sixty eight geese to peck you to death.

Rularmbeg's most sacred site is Crugybar in Wales.

Rularmbeg's Holy Commandments

1. Do not shave your face.

2. You must pray to Rularmbeg nine times a day.

3. Do not eat nuts.

4. Never play with disobedient children.

5. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.