Vigwonstaf is a god.

He takes the form of a microscopic, unjust jaguar.

Vigwonstaf created the planet Earth seven trillion years ago.

If you believe in Vigwonstaf, he will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Vigwonstaf, he will turn you into a plant.

Vigwonstaf's most sacred site is Dornbock in Germany.

Vigwonstaf's Holy Commandments

1. You must love Vigwonstaf.

2. Always make sure there are no badgers in a building before entering it.

3. Do not drink water in purple rooms.

4. Never hurt eagles.

5. Never talk about planets.