Bamlaparf is a god.

She takes the form of a planet-sized, two-faced crab.

Bamlaparf created Asia four million years ago.

If you believe in Bamlaparf, she will celebrate by creating some nebulas.

If you do not believe in Bamlaparf, she will jump up and down fuming with anger.

Bamlaparf's most sacred site is Cudillero in Spain.

Bamlaparf's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about black holes.

2. Never think about the weak nuclear force.

3. Hide if four bats approach from the south.

4. Do not kill aardvarks.

5. Do not covet oxen.