Hotcunspag is a god.

It takes the form of an extremely thin, narcissistic aardvark.

Hotcunspag created the Virgo Supercluster seven billion years ago.

If you believe in Hotcunspag, it will give you lots of gold.

If you do not believe in Hotcunspag, it will throw large rocks at you.

Hotcunspag's most sacred site is Utti in Finland.

Hotcunspag's Holy Commandments

1. Never feed pineapples to goats while wearing cyan skirts.

2. Show mercy to disobedient children.

3. Worship no other gods but Hotcunspag.

4. Never look in ponds.

5. Never wear pink shirts.