Tikwabbomsat is a god.

She takes the form of a thin, clever swan.

Tikwabbomsat created life six trillion years ago.

If you believe in Tikwabbomsat, she will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Tikwabbomsat, she will ignore you and hope you go away.

Tikwabbomsat's most sacred site is Miiluranta in Finland.

Tikwabbomsat's Holy Commandments

1. Do not trade with those who eat lemons.

2. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

3. Never think ill of sick squirrels.

4. Always make sure there are no bats in a room before entering it.

5. Always help sharks.