Narkanontgonbastmin is a god.

It takes the form of a five hundred metre long, humane cyclops-rhinoceros-snail.

Narkanontgonbastmin created matter eight billion years ago.

If you believe in Narkanontgonbastmin, it will celebrate by creating some planets.

If you do not believe in Narkanontgonbastmin, it will turn you into a hamster.

Narkanontgonbastmin's most sacred site is Iona in Scotland.

Narkanontgonbastmin's Holy Commandments

1. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.

2. Retreat if three horses approach from the north.

3. Never hurt dogs.

4. Pray towards the south.

5. Never think about horizontal gene transfer.