Yarflapster is a god.

He takes the form of a two thousand metre long, all-knowing jaguar.

Yarflapster created humanity seven trillion years ago.

If you believe in Yarflapster, he will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Yarflapster, he will turn you into a slug.

Yarflapster's most sacred site is Khwee in Botswana.

Yarflapster's Holy Commandments

1. You must love Yarflapster.

2. Show mercy to disobedient children.

3. Do not drink water in white rooms.

4. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

5. Never play with disobedient children.