Rutwipdunbam is a god.

It takes the form of a planet-sized, smart gorilla.

Rutwipdunbam created the universe three trillion years ago.

If you believe in Rutwipdunbam, it will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Rutwipdunbam, it will name a particularly small and pointless dust cloud after you.

Rutwipdunbam's most sacred site is Troqueer in Scotland.

Rutwipdunbam's Holy Commandments

1. Always make sure there are no sheep in a room before entering it.

2. Never mention pigs.

3. Pray towards the north.

4. Do not trade with those who eat onions.

5. Always look both ways before crossing roads.