Tikfudjin is a god.

She takes the form of a fat, loving shark.

Tikfudjin created life nine trillion years ago.

If you believe in Tikfudjin, she will grant your every desire.

If you do not believe in Tikfudjin, she will laugh at you.

Tikfudjin's most sacred site is Ringford in Scotland.

Tikfudjin's Holy Commandments

1. Do not listen to heathen tongues.

2. Never pour water over plants.

3. Pray towards the east.

4. Never eat green fruit.

5. You must love Tikfudjin.