Jarnditbum is a god.

He takes the form of a very large, caring otter.

Jarnditbum created the planet Venus eight million years ago.

If you believe in Jarnditbum, he will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Jarnditbum, he will sneak up behind you and tap you on the back.

Jarnditbum's most sacred site is Gassin in France.

Jarnditbum's Holy Commandments

1. Do not wear yellow clothing.

2. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Jarnditbum.

3. Fast once a month.

4. Run away from brown grasshopers, for they are unholy.

5. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.