Cudlap is a god.

It takes the form of a three hundred metre long, kind tortoise.

Cudlap created viruses five quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Cudlap, it will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Cudlap, it will laugh at you.

Cudlap's most sacred site is Snapp in Sweden.

Cudlap's Holy Commandments

1. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

2. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

3. Do not shave your head.

4. Never talk about horizontal gene transfer.

5. Do not eat coconuts.