Teensterkem is a god.

It takes the form of a huge, sage monkey.

Teensterkem created the solar system seven billion years ago.

If you believe in Teensterkem, it will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Teensterkem, it will attempt to scare you with thunder.

Teensterkem's most sacred site is Neravy in India.

Teensterkem's Holy Commandments

1. Teensterkem loves pigs, so they must be honoured.

2. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

3. Always treat manatees with great respect.

4. Do not chop down trees.

5. Feed all hungry seals.