Kimvabpak is a god.

She takes the form of a huge, happy cow.

Kimvabpak created Europe eight million years ago.

If you believe in Kimvabpak, she will make you lucky.

If you do not believe in Kimvabpak, she will turn you into a puffin.

Kimvabpak's most sacred site is Farnetta in Italy.

Kimvabpak's Holy Commandments

1. Pray towards the east.

2. Feed all hungry whales.

3. Do not cook food in pots.

4. Never mention snakes.

5. Kimvabpak loves bats, so they must be honoured.