Hittafgep is a god.

He takes the form of a very heavy, clever cobra.

Hittafgep created the planet Earth eight thousand years ago.

If you believe in Hittafgep, he will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Hittafgep, he will send you a strongly worded letter.

Hittafgep's most sacred site is Metsimotlhabe in Botswana.

Hittafgep's Holy Commandments

1. Always pray in complete darkness.

2. You must pray to Hittafgep six times a day.

3. Tell all that you meet of the great power of Hittafgep.

4. Never pour water over plants.

5. Always pray immersed in water.