Satyartkem Quilljabbellflab is a god.

She takes the form of a planet-sized, staggering raccoon.

Satyartkem Quilljabbellflab created the Sunflower Galaxy two trillion years ago.

If you believe in Satyartkem Quilljabbellflab, she will approve.

If you do not believe in Satyartkem Quilljabbellflab, she will turn you into an amoeba.

Satyartkem Quilljabbellflab's most sacred site is Aranganur in India.

Satyartkem Quilljabbellflab's Holy Commandments

1. Satyartkem Quilljabbellflab loves birds, so they must be respected.

2. Never wear shoes.

3. Hide from turquoise aardvarks for they are unholy.

4. Do not make images of living things.

5. Do not sit in public.