Bassbethun Santonkmab Tikfobjop is a god.

She takes the form of a minute, slow bird.

Bassbethun Santonkmab Tikfobjop created tapeworms eight million years ago.

If you believe in Bassbethun Santonkmab Tikfobjop, she will be surprised.

If you do not believe in Bassbethun Santonkmab Tikfobjop, she will name a particularly small and pointless asteroid after you.

Bassbethun Santonkmab Tikfobjop's most sacred site is Pandamatenga in Botswana.

Bassbethun Santonkmab Tikfobjop's Holy Commandments

1. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

2. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

3. Do not wear copper on your body.

4. Show mercy to disobedient children.

5. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.