Kad is a god.

It takes the form of a heavy, emotional gerbil.

Kad created a down quark eight quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Kad, it will smite all your enemies.

If you do not believe in Kad, it will turn you into a snail.

Kad's most sacred site is Artena in Italy.

Kad's Holy Commandments

1. Never paint your arms brown.

2. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

3. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

4. Never wear scarves.

5. Walk at least nine thousand metres per day.